I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
