Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
