Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
