He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
