You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
