just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
