Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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