You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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