I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
