after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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