pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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