I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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