a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
