do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
