i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
