ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
