God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
