Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
