wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
