I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
