i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
