There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
