Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
