So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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