let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
