??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I could fuck to npr.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
