omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
