I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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