Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
