My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
