how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
