I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
