so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
