I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
