in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
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