My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
