I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
