The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
