9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Congratulations! We have a period
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
