Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
