walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
