I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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