i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
