good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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