you would pick up someone in the library
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
