whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
