Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
