I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
