I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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