i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
