You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
