He is such a slut. More and more my type.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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