Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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