Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
