What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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