piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
