I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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