Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
