it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
